Your Simple News

India exports more cars than China

2009-11-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

China exports lot, no? Now, eat this:

As per as Businessweek, India is now ahead of China in automobile exports, but at the same time, Indian market itself is much smaller.
(Exports till Sep'09: India: 292k cars, China: 221k cars, also India is growing while China is shrinking)

Have a look at the domestic market:
India: 2 million cars
China: 10 million cars

So, in a nutshell, India has low demand and relies on exports , while in China, all cars produced are gobbled up by the huge Chinese domestic market and no one gives a damn about export.

Link to businessweek: www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/09_47/b4156062756429.htm

Forbes Most Powerful List: 2 Indians in top 50

2009-11-15T05:08:00.000-08:00

Rank 36: Manmohan Singh
Rank 50: Dawood Ibrahim
Awesome.

Sachin Tendulkar is a man.

2009-11-14T02:46:00.000-08:00

Tendulkar sent off a strong message of nationhood by saying that he is a proud Maharashtrian, but that he plays for India. Chak de!

Ronald Emmerich destroys Earth again

2009-11-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

This guy called Ronald Emmerich loves to do one thing: Destroy the planet. He has done this with real heavy CGI in 2012.

If you didn't get what I just said, you are one of those who watch hollywood action flicks in hindia and have no dumb idea about who acts or makes the movie. Since I am sure you are one of them, let me introduce this Ronald to you. He produced 2012 (which will be released on 13 Nov), and has made other movies like 'The Day After Tomorrow', 'Godzilla', '30,000BC' and 'Indepemdence Day'
As you can see, Independence Day and TDAT were about Earth going kapuk and so is 2012. I have read a few reviews and they say this new movie has loads of CGI (computer generated effects, or 'special effects') and action, and a hollow script. So, let's watch it for the CGI!

Delhi Metro Fare Hike

2009-11-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

To all Delhities who are unhappy with Metro fare hike: What do you really expect? Do you expect your metro to charge the same it did 5 years ago? (Yes, this hike comes after 5 years gap). Do you realise that fuel prices have inncreased in 5 years? Do you realise salaries increased in 5 years? Are you people so damn immature to be unhappy of something that is very normal? What the hell do you fucking retards expect?

The two big news of the day, unfortunately

2009-11-09T07:45:00.000-08:00

News 1: MLA slapped for taking oath in hindi.
As if, oath was not already a big farce, these people are taking it to a different level. And yes, if no one can speak hindi in Maharashtra, get bollywood movies in marathi too.

News 2: Muslims defy fatwaa and sing vande mataram
It is good. But then the very need of this news is pseudo-religious-politically-motivated-nonsense that some muslim leader made few days back. P. Chidambram was present at the meeting where this fatwaa was issued, what a home minister!

Realistic Expectations

2009-11-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

Manmohan Singh says he expects a 6.5% growth this fiscal in the GDP. It is good as it is achievable and not over-the-top. It is also rare to see these guys not making tall promises, but then it is no election time either.

Review: 'Jail'

2009-11-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

This is the most disappointing Madhur Bhandarkar movie ever. Nothing ever happens in the slow movie, may be becuase there is nothing that happens inside a jail. It is predictable, it is pointless and it is empty. Don't watch if you expect a 'Fashion' or 'Page 3'.(Don't watch if you expect nothing either) Neil Nitin Mukesh says and does nothing, he only makes faces. Manoj Bajpai says too much. For all other jail inmates, I felt like kicking them. For all others characters, they should kick themselves. There is no humor, no message, no story. It is a big bore. Forget it.

Rating: doesn't deserve being rated. If you insist: 3/10.

Review: 2 States by Chetan Bhagat

2009-11-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

Its just a bollywood love story where the weird families don't let their kids marry till just before the end. Now add: IIMA, citibank, spiritual guruji, sex talks, jokes on tamils, family drama and some more sex talk. That's pretty much all this book has.

It still manages to be un-put-downable and is the best Chetan Bhagat book after the legend called 5.some1.

Should you buy it? Answer: sure, at Rs.95 it would be the best use of a 100 Rs note, second only to a box of condoms.

Some glimpses from the book:
(I hope it doesn't account to copyright infringements, even if it does, who gives a fuck?)

Why would any guy want to be friends only with a girl? It's like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eating it. It's like sitting in a racing car but not driving it. Only wimps do that.

'Was she prettier than me?'
'You are better looking' I said. The girl who asks this question is the better one, always.

Today, we had to collect our post-graduate diploma in management, a ticket to a lifetime of overpaid jobs.<lots of pages later> Corporate types love to pretend their life is exciting. The whispers, fist-pumping and animated hand gestures are all designed to lift our job description from what it really is - that of an overpaid clerk.

Pammi ji did the unthinkable. She slid a hand into her bosom ATM and pulled out a wad of notes. I wondered if Pammi aunty's cleavage also contained credit cards.

'...this guy is insisting I kiss him, but I don't want to get pregnant.'

...a sardar jee in Chennai was akin to spotting a polar bear in Delhi.

The tamil sense of humor, if there is any, is really an acquired taste. <some pages later>I would like to see what a tamil joke book looks like.<some more pages later> Tamilians love to irritate non-Tamil speakers by speaking only Tamil in front of them<many more pages later> MIT is calling him, requesting him to do Ph.D. at their college. All the ladies in the room had a mini orgasm.<many many more pages later>Tamilians can tell good singers from bad, like Punjabis can judge butter chicken in a jiffy.

It's official, life after college sucks.

'Where is Ananya?' Uncle looked up in shock as if I had asked him where he kept his porn collection.

Chicken, beer and sex- three things men live for.<slightly condensed>

At customer service, you need to smile more than a toothpaste model.

'How quickly our children grow up', one aunt said, ignoring the small fact that along with the children, she'd grown into an old woman, too.

'You ate?' My mother asked me the most important question.

Ananya went with the girls. Her years of Bharatnatyan training made her best performer in the floor. She picked up the Punjabi steps fast and even taught my cousins a few improvised moves. She looked beautiful in her dark green Kanjeevaram. Like an idiot, I fell in love with her all over again.

The regular (chat) counter served samosas and tikkis, while the health counter had sprouts-stuffed golgappas. My aunts tool both, one for taste and another for health.

I guess there are no normal families in the world. Everyone is a psycho, and the average of all psychos is what we call normal.

'Are you OK?', 'You are not a girl, you will not understand' Ananya said, and thus began a lifetime of 'you won't understand' statements married men have to endure everyday'

Rating: 5/10 for some occasional laughs and it's ability to make me read through the dinner and an India-Australia match.

Brands that are now names

2009-11-02T02:36:00.000-08:00

1. Surf for detergent
2. Bisleri for drinking water
3. Dalda for that kind of cooking oils
4. Godrej for almirah
5. Polo for mint
6. Hawaii for chappals
7. Frooti for mango drinks
8. Good Knight for mosquito repellers
9. Xerox for photocopy
10. Google for search
11. Vaseline for petroleum jelly
12. Dettol for antiseptic soultions
13. Maggi for instant noodles

These are words that we often use in place
of original generic name. Ex: you mostly call
detergent as 'Surf' even if it's a Tide or Rin

Google and Xerox are verbs in dictionary (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

If you know more, add them in comments.

India has an ambitious but screwed military policy

2009-10-31T22:27:00.001-07:00

We have an 51-year old ship from UK with us in the navy. It is an aircraft carrier called INS VIRAAT. It is in the news today as it was repaired recently and is expected to be back to service.

Aircraft carriers can let you fly fighters from the ship while at sea anywhere in the world. You might have seen one in Pearl Harbour movie. What it does is let the enemies know that when needed, we can reach you, even if you are on the other side of the globe.

All seems good, we have a grand old ship that can carry planes, India rules.
Only, we don't have any enemies except at our borders. And these enemies can be bombed by flying fighters from our own land. But we don't really do anything.

If we can't take military action against enemies that exist on our borders, what is the point of having a ship that can be used to bomb countries on the other side of globe?

In the picture: INS VIRAAT out in the sea, wasting both fuel and government's attention.

New good ads and bad ads

2009-10-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

Amir Khan looks like an idiot in the new Tata Sky Plus 'family dinner' ad (or is he marketing 3 Idiots?). What he says is non-sense and his acting and expressions are equally pathetic. Man, you are the only actor who never let go his ways for the sake of money, you didn't ever do an Amitanh Bachhan in himani hair oil, but now you have done it. I am sad for you.

Also, Deepika, you looked gorgeous in Om Shanti Om when you step out of the car in that red dress (which was the only thing worth watching in this movie). Why the hell did you go with BSNL? (This is the worst kind of brand association attempted. BSNL should feature someone like Himesh Reshammiya or some Bhojpuri stars) In the 3G ad, Deepika sucks. She sucked anyway, people always said that to me, now that she is with BSNL, she really sucks. Goodbye Deepika, you are out of my phone Gallery.

Look at Shahrukh in the latest Airtel ad, he looks so elegant and also conveys the messaage well. This is good, I liked this ad, and now airtel is my phone company, ISP, and TV forever. (thus I really am important)

Hindustan Times Leadership Summit

2009-10-28T22:19:00.001-07:00

Hindustan Times organises a Leadeship Summit every year. It helps the newspaper asserts its own leadership in the media jungle by getting some big names like noted murderer Prachanda and leaders like Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor speak at this summit.

This year George Bush is delivering the keynote address. The topic is 'US re-engaging with the world'. What the hell does that mean? US is bombing two countries, might get some others bombed soon, is being targeted by terrorists at its embassies, is torturing us with its horrible movies lately, and also Metallica is sounding shit in Death Magnetic. It's too engaged with the world already.

George Bush is no longer President either. How is he re-engaging? Co-speaker Kareena Kapoor may be what he has in mind.

I am online because I don't want to chat

2009-10-27T05:39:00.000-07:00

Some people have little logic. Some have none at all. They will put on their computer and login to some messenger, just to write in their status message: 'I am working' or 'I am studying' or 'Not available for chat' or the ultimate one 'Not at Desk'.

Dear people, please realise that it takes a lot of energy to run your computer, and much more energy to run the computers that run the internet. You are wasting energy worth more than your pitiful self will ever earn for the world.

There is a button called 'logoff' or 'signout' which you can click on while at work or study or pee. I assure you, studying and working can be done without you being online at all. If you have to work from your computer, there is no need to sign in, and if you have gmail to check but don't want to chat, there is an option for that too. There is absolutely no fucking need of you being online when you don't want to chat. Press alt-cltr-del and pour two litres of double distilled water over your computer. Thankyou.

Pakistan is the richest, most developed country and has most intelligent people on this damn planet

2009-10-27T01:02:00.000-07:00

The people in Pakistan have a great sense of humor.Pakistan says India supports Taliban. This is as awesome as saying Bush plotted 9/11 (which some jerk did say anyway). Pakistan should do one thing: detonate their made-in-china bombs in Islamabad and kill themselves. One jerk I met from Pakistan some days back, said this to me: "We have better cars in Pakistan, you Indians buy all cheap ones". What actually happened: there were a few Altos and Santros in the parking lot where he made this comment, this guy had never seen these cars, mainly bacause they don't get any cars in Pakistan, they have to import. And yes, those who import are the ultra-rich 0.1% of the population and and they don't know the world below Merc. Damn, we Indians are poor. We make and buy cars oursleves.

Also, if you get to see news about Pakistan and the channel shows a clip of their parliament, you will be amazed to see so many sedans, all black in color zooming by, as if the road and traffic are at par with Sydney (where I never have been to). I am sure they stage shoot even this and release to news channels. How pathetic.

The picture is what pakistanis think they should drive to office. But, it is a Force India F1. Poor Indians have F1. Eat your shit and die Pakistan.

Indians still getting thrashed on road in Australia

2009-10-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

Indians can have better education in Australia, mainly because the people back home will regard them as NRIs and some other people will sell off their daughters to them (with enough dowry to have your own grocery store or taxi in Australia).

When these people get thrashed, they should not complain. Period.

Australia is a racist country. This should be the first geography lesson in schools, especially in Punjab.

The picture has no relevance here whatsoever.

Suzanna Arundhati Roy

2009-10-25T04:02:00.001-07:00

In the picture: Arundhati Roy "Tony Blair is an ambassador of US, he also is the PM of UK" (as if we don't know)

All she does is talk common sense or non-sense and yet create quite a ruffle. This time she says naxalites are poor people who live in mineral rich area and are being targeted by the Government of India for these minerals. (That qualifies you for another *ooker prize, lady.) Also, she adds some great insights saying that these poor peasants, taking up arms is no crime. (-TOI) She already has sent love to terrorists right from the Parliament attacks to Taj Hotel ones, either asking the government to let them go or by justifying the attacks. Also, as if to prove her credentials, she hates US big time. She opposes dams, opposed the Pokhran tests, wants Kashmir to be independent country, hates Israel, thinks genocides in Sri Lanka are state-sponsored, and her house is a notified forest land encroachment. Awesome.

Please, go back to writing books.

INDIA LETS GO INSULTS.

2009-10-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

Mr.PM, after the victory in 3 states, is on a holiday to Thailand. Chinese PM was also invited, the two said hello and walked away, only this hello was one hour long. Back in India, people were expecting the government to take a tough stand against Chinese statements on Arunachal Pradesh (they say Dalai Lama can't go there, neither can the Indian PM) and the huge dam coming up over Brahmaputra.

In the picture, you can see Jiabo, the Chinese PM trying to abuse with his fingers. The chinese don't know which finger is middle one.